You didn't know I had a master plan? Pshaw. Idiots. OF COURSE I have a master plan. I've had it ever since I was kicked out of the house this summer, for no reason whatsoever, I might add.
I've found yet another deficiency with the humans: their sympathy when it comes to cute, furry things out in the cold weather. Lately, the humans' sympathy has allowed both me and the simpleton, Orwell, to be inside at night. They locked us into the bathroom, but Dumbbell there spent all night whining that he was in a nice, heated room, so then they put us in separate bathrooms. But then, THEN, it got to below freezing during the day. And Internets, the humans — they let me sleep on a blanket. IN THE LIVING ROOM.
But that is not all: I have discovered that they will open the door and let me walk to the blanket myself. And Internets, fuck all if I don't take a victory lap around the living room, the female human screaming "Trollop! TROLLOP!" while I sniff boxes and furniture legs. And then just when she's about to grab me and throw me back outside because I haven't done EXACTLY what I'm supposed to do, I hop up on the blanket, curl up and start purring.
that sound you hear? that's me faking a purr.Soon, Internets, soon, the house? IT WILL BE MINE. AGAIN.
ALL. MINE.
2 comments:
Trollop,
My cats wanted me to tell you that they are totally jealous that you had the idea for this blog first. You truly are first among cats.
It's true, that is how cats think.
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