in which trollop experiences apoplexy

what. the hell.

is that.

Once he'd vanquished his foe, he beat a hasty retreat

(it was a beaver puppet that waged the attack)

trollop dreams

Territory: a discussion

Facilitator: Thank you for joining us today for this cat forum on territory, territorialism, and similar behaviors. With us are our guests, Trollop and Orwell. Thank you for being with us, kitties.

Trollop: Oh shut the hell up.

Orwell: I'M SCARED! SO SCARED! ARE PEOPLE WATCHING?!

Facilitator: No, no one's watching -- this is a blog. They'll read it....

Trollop: Can we move along? I've got things to go pee on.

Facilitator: Fair enough. Tell me, Trollop, why is it that you demonstrate your territory by peeing on things?

Trollop: First of all, dumbass, I prefer the term "colonialism" to "territorialism," okay? Reason is, the whole world used to belong to me and was at my beck and call until that black ball of fur came to my house.

Orwell: I WAS HOMELESS! I WAS LIVING IN A CAR ENGINE!

Facilitator: Orwell, did you mean to threaten Trollop?

Orwell: NO! I JUST LIKE IT WHEN THE HUMANS RUB MY BELLY!

Facilitator: Fair enough. So why do you mark your territory?

Orwell: I DON'T! BUT SOMETIMES TROLLOP SCARES THE, well, CRAP OUT OF ME AND I CAN'T MAKE IT TO A LITTER BOX IN TIME!

Trollop: Can I go now?

Orwell: ME TOO! I HAVE TO PEE...ooooooooh, never mind....

Facilitator: Hi, yeah, can we get a clean-up in here?

Orwell puts two brain cells together and his life explodes

Human: Orwell, you like to hide under the guest bed, don't you?

Orwell: I love it! It's the awesomest place in the universe!

Human: But you're afraid of your shadow...

Orwell: SHADOWS SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF ME! THEY DON'T LEAVE!

Human: So why do you like being under the bed?

Orwell: It's dark and no one can see me!

Human: But...it's dark because it's the bed's shadow.

Orwell: ...WHAT? HOLY CRAP MONKEYS! WHAT?! ...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—

Human: Orwell, dude, chill...

Orwell: — OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....