When you hear the humans' car coming, run alongside them to get their attention, then jump in front of the car as it turns into the driveway. Walk re-he-HEE-ly slowly while they edge up toward the garage. Then, when they want to pull up the last five feet, stop, sit, and lick your paw. While they pound on the steering wheel and say bad words, pretend you can't hear them and roll over on your back. (For some reason they find this irresistibly cute. Humans — so easy to manipulate.) They'll give up, park, and just shake their heads as they get out to scratch your belly.
Oooh. Oooooooh. Yeah, scratch it, bitch. Okay, I'm done now so I'm going to chomp your hand.
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