Orwell ejects from underneath the porch

snooze

Rumble, rumble.

stretch

blink, blink

Ooh, I hear a sound! I hate sounds! They scare me! Oh, it's that great big gray thing the guy and girl drive sometimes, but that mostly sits off to the side of the garage! I hate that thing! Trollop always pees on its tires! Trollop scares me! Glad I'm hiding under the porch here! Here comes the guy! And here comes the girl! Sometimes she scares me! And —

HOLY MOTHER OF EARTH WHAT THE BLAZES IS THAT!? It's big and green and it looks like a tree but TREES DON'T MOVE LIKE THAT! Shit! Shit! Shit!

My name is Trollop, and I hate you

Lookit. First of all, we're going to set some ground rules:

1. We both acknowledge that I absolutely hate you, and will never stop absolutely hating you.
2. The only thing I think about all day, every day, is opening your abdominal cavity with my claws and eating your major organs and sleeping in the nice warm hole I leave.
3. Remember, I hate you.

Aside from the above very simple points, I could not care less about you. In fact, why are you here? Go away. Go over there, pour me some food, then scratch my neck. I SAID SCRATCH MY NECK, BITCH

*purr*

New beds

OH MY HEAD HE'S PETTING ME! LIFE IS SO GOOD!

I can go from cute and cuddly to fangs and claws in .00003 seconds.

Orwell, one minute ago

HOLY COW the door is OPENING! This means they're going to FEED ME! It's the man! Oh, I want him to PET ME! I'll jump up on the railing so he'll rub my butt just above the tail! I love it when he rubs me there! Okay, I'm getting ready to jump! Must crouch and wiggle my butt as I size up the jump, EVEN THOUGH I DO IT EVERY DAY! Wiggle, wiggle! Okay, jump! Oh, shit! Must hold on! Front legs...slipping! Back legs...scrambling, grappling! Okay, I'm up! Whew, that was close! Okay, I'm ready for my butt to be rubbed! Rub my butt! Human, QUIT LAUGHING AND RUB MY BUTT!